★★½ (2½ out of 4)
Here’s the standard definition of a narcissist, in case you need brushing up: “an
individual with an excessive, unhealthy focus on themselves, characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a desperate need for admiration, and a profound lack of empathy for others. They often exploit others, feel entitled, and exhibit arrogant behaviors, potentially masking deep insecurity.”
If you’ve ever encountered one of these not so rare creatures as a friend or a lover, “You’re Dating a Narcissist!” may just be the instructional romcom you’re looking for, a cautionary bonbon that allows us to see past the labels of “player” and “womanizer” to find the narcissist lurking underneath.
If you need to spot the narcissist lurking behind a friend or lover, this Maria Tomei bonbon may be just instructional romcom you’re looking for.
There’s no disguising the movie’s hectoring tone. Luckily, Marisa Tomei is just the actress to sail right past it. She’s reliably marvelous as Judy Kaplan, a psychology college professor and podcaster who seems to find this toxic species wherever she goes. Come on, she’s written a bestselling book on the subject with the same title.
Apparently, her own daughter Eva (Ciara Bravo), an art student in LA, hasn’t taken heed. So when Eva announces her lickety-split engagement to Theo (Marco Pigossi), a doctor she met only six weeks ago, Judy hits the panic button. With her colleague and best friend Diane (a very funny Sherry Cola), New Yorker Judy jets cross country to check out this paragon. I guess narcissists disguised as handsome doctors are often harder to spot.
And that’s pretty much all there is for plot. First-time director Ann Marie Allison, who co-wrote the script with Jenna Milly, claims she’s writing what she knows and has the emotional scars to prove it. Allison doesn’t quite equate narcissists with serial killers, but she’s not far off since these NARKS, as she calls them, are armed with extremely dangerous egos. She’s even worried about Diane’s relationship with a married woman.
Judy is staying at a luxury resort right out of Nancy Meyers, complete with a narcissist owner (Jose Maria Yazpik) Judy can spot from outer space. Her skepticism puts out enough red flags to make Eva suspicious about Theo’s rather insistent “love-bombing” and “soul-mating.” Judy says she designed her book and her college class to empower students to detect a NARK lover “before it’s too late.”
And just when the story is about to take a few freshly intriguing turns, we’re suddenly in a sex farce with Judy and Diane doing their best Lucy and Ethel as amateur detectives following Theo around. Boy, do they have some ‘splaining to do with antics that quickly grow more annoying than amusing.
At its best, the film explores trust issues between mothers and daughters, showing how Judy’s toxic relationship with her ex-husband could be ambushing her daughter’s ability to see Theo clearly from her own perspective. The film never comes out for or against Theo, letting us make our call at the same time Eva does, allowing Tomei and Bravo to develop their roles beyond the cardboard level of a simplistic comedy sketch.
What a shame that this movie can’t trust its better instincts to reveal the gray areas in every relationship. Still, Tomei —an Oscar winner for her comic wizardry in “My Cousin Vinny” —can massage a laugh line until it reveals a larger truth. Even in the chaos of “You’re Dating a Narcissist!” her gift is something you don’t want to miss.