★★ (2 out of 4)
A dozen years ago, I gave flowers to the first “Conjuring” for lighting a “fresh fire” under the “overworked haunted-house genre.” Based on paranormal investigator Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) and his clairvoyant wife, Lorraine (Vera Farmiga)—they took on the “Amityville Horror” case—the movie doesn't let up as hellfire spits all over them. Director James Wan (“Saw”) works the R-rating for hardcore chills. And Farmiga goes movingly beyond the call of scare duty. Know this: You'll scream your head off.”
For the record, 'Last Rites' is slow, silly, and almost scare free, except for Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson, who play every scene as if they see it, feel it, touch it and mean it.
I stand by that. But over the following years the films in “The Conjuring” universe grew worse and grossed more money. Don’t you hate it when that happens? They also spawned moneymaking prequels and sequels like “Annabelle” and “The Nun.” But now, with the release of “Last Rites,” the fourth and purported last in “The Conjuring” series, the bell finally tolls.
But does it really? It’s been clarified that “The Conjuring: Last Rites” will be the “last installment of the first phase of films in the franchise.” Scam alert: No one in Hollywood walks away from a goldmine. When the most recent film in the “Conjuring” series, called “The Devil Made Me Do It,” scored the best box office yet on the worst reviews, the writing was on the wall.
So here we are with “The Conjuring: Last Rites,” now in theaters to fake a goodbye to fans who really believe it’s over and out. For the record, “Last Rites” is slow, silly, and almost scare free. The best things about it are still the performances of Farmiga and Wilson, who play every scene as if they see it, feel it, touch it and mean it. There should be Oscars for this kind of pretend. Not really, but you get my drift.
The movie is basically a family affair, as the Warrens offer up a welcome home for their now-adult daughter Judy (Mia Tomlinson) and her boyfriend, Tony (Ben Hardy), who wants to ask Judy’s parents for her hand in marriage. The film is set in 1986, not a century earlier, but whatcha gonna do. Ed, fresh from a recent heart attack, looks wary and a little bored, much like the audiences who will certainly wonder when returning director Michael Chaves is going to rev things up or at least send in the ghosts.
After a seeming eternity, he does. It’s the real-life case of the Smurls, an extended family living in a Pennsylvania coal town who bought a hand-carved wooden mirror with cherubs on top which the family believes is a gateway to hell.
I only wish. It’s actually a rehash of moments from other “Conjuring” movies that are way past their sell-by date. The only lively element is that Judy has inherited her mom’s psychic abilities, leading the whole clan to unite as ghostbusters. The Bill Murray/Dan Aykroyd comedy blockbuster with that title had been released two years before and is still scarier that the tired fright clichés trotted out here with no shame.
A note on the real Warrens: Ed died in 2006, and Lorraine followed in 2019. So the “Conjuring” franchise can keep raiding the past for new stories, hopefully not as musty as this one. Or maybe the idea is to hitch a wagon to daughter Judy and husband Tony. The way I see it, they’re beating a dead horse. But wait. Opening weekend projections for “The Conjuring: Last Rites” are nearing a zowie $80 million, which means Hollywood will keep reviving the ghost of that dead horse until it stops breaking box-office races, which could be never. Now that really is scary.