★★ (2 out of 4)
It’s hard out here for studios pimping kids’ movies for a family audience. For every animated gem like “Wildwood” or “Toy Story 5,” there are clunkers like “Animal Farm” and “The Super Mario Galaxy Movie.”
On the surface, “The Cat in the Hat” seems to have a lot going for it, especially with the reliably mischievous Bill Hader voicing the title role. But all I can say is that Hader’s “Cat” is only a few whiskers better than the 2003 live-action dud that Mike Myers made of the 1957 children’s book by Dr. Seuss. The good doc needed better medics to fix this scattershot version, written and directed by Alessandro Carloni and Erica Rivinoja.
The movie finds The Cat in his signature high striped headgear slaving away for the Institution of Imagination and Inspiration—Bowen Yang voices an intern, so yay for that. The company HR director, Sherri (Qunita Brunson) sends agents out to cheer up unhappy children. Ther Cat’s assignment as an agent concerns Gabby (Xochitl Gomez), her younger brother Sebastian (Tiago Martinez) and their glum Brit goldfish Waffles (a top-tier Matt Berry), all of whom are having problems adjusting to their move to a new town.
No sooner does their mother, Carmen (America Ferrera), head to work, then in comes the mad hat man to babysit. Hardly reassuring since he breaks everything in sight. It’s what he does. Gabby immediately zaps him with pepper spray. No worries. The Cat relies on the Go-Backer, a gizmo which reverses time and makes cleaning up easy.
Unless, that is, the Go-Backer goes missing. Which it does, of course, otherwise there’d be no fantastical journeys to other lands where scary creatures lurk, along with blue-haired things called Things who love making messes that working moms won’t like a bit. Can The Cat restore order and, by extension, the fate of the universe before mom comes home?
He can, which is deeply disappointing. The character as Seuss created him has always been an advertisement for disorderly conduct. He’s chaos unleashed. Hader gives the Cat a sly, scratchy voice—silky reassurance one minute and a high-pitched squawk of panic the next. Hader’s spikey delivery is most welcome, especially when the script keeps burying the action in a blanket of bland. Where’s the Seussian anarchy that make the books so delicious? Except for Hader, you won’t find it.
The last words Bill Hader’s Cat spits out are: 'Let’s go sequel.' Please let’s don’t.
OK, it’s better that the live- action version with Myers mimicking Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. That one smacks of exhausted inspiration. Dr. Seuss' slim volume (barely 1,600 words) is about a cat who teaches two bored kids to have fun by looking inside themselves. The Myers’ version bloats it with frenzied action and vulgar jokes.
The Hader take is a good deal less hyper, so thanks for that. But this movie’s default position is to play it safe by putting the Cat on a leash. Never a good idea. Neither are the last words that Hader’s Cat spits out: “Let’s go sequel.” Please let’s don’t. What’s the fallback for audiences looking for untamed family fun? Three words: Read. The. Book.