★ (1 out of 4)
If timing is everything, then “Rolling Loud: The Movie” has no clock on its side. Inspired by a true story, the R-rated comedy romp concerns Hank (Owen Wilson), a bumbling dad who panics when his 13-year-old son, Zion (Christian Convery), goes missing at a concert he snuck the kid into, lying to his wife Melanie (Jolene) and event security in the process. Can you believe it’s frowned on to take an underage kid to a rap free-for-all where adults quickly lose their inhibitions about sex, drugs and nudity? Anyway, welcome to the Rolling Loud hip-hop music festival in Miami, featuring Travis Scott.
You remember Scott, right? The rapper sparked controversy in the wake of the fatal crowd crush which occurred at Scott's Astroworld Festival in Houston on November 5, 2021. Ten people died and hundreds were injured as Scott continued to perform, encouraging people to "get wild" and "crazy", despite an ambulance passing through the crowd that was pulling out lifeless bodies. Victims ranged from 9 to 27 years old.
Fans pointed out the similarities between the film's concert premise and the previous tragedy and suggested that “Rolling Loud: The Movie” was an attempt to distract from web searches related to the crowd crush, noting that the co-organizer of Astroworld Festival, Live Nation, was involved with the film's production.
'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.'
Anyone ready to laugh? I thought not. Never mind guilt by association. “Rolling Loud: The Movie,” all on its own, is so devoid of laughs and entertainment that audiences should stay away for that reason alone. I should point out that writer-director Jeremy Garelick (“The Wedding Ringer,” “Murder Mystery 2”) is the guy who took his son to a concert and thought the idea of losing him in the crowd would be a laugh riot.
It is not. At the concert, furniture salesman Hank runs into his co-worker Terry, played by professional comic Matt Rife without eliciting any giggles I could notice. The run-in is especially awkward since Hank’s boss (Henry Winkler, who should get rid of his agent for sticking him in this bilge) had just told him to fire Terry. Anyway, all this work-related fuss distracts Hank from Zion, who’s gone missing on a trip to the bathroom.
We’re supposed to bust a gut as Hank accidentally trips on acid, throws a fest volunteer named Linda (Christine Ko) off a Ferris wheel, blurts out things he’ll regret on the concert sound system, and enjoys what he can of a show with such hip-hop icons as Sexyy Red, Ski Mask the Slump God, and Ty Dolla $ign while trying to remember his dad responsibilities. The hilarity never stops since it never actually begins.
It all comes to a head when Hank climbs on stage with Scott himself before diving into the mosh pit. What happened to the kid? Since Hank doesn’t care, why should we? I’m only half kidding. I’m hoping that Wilson, a natural charmer who’s done great work with Ben Stiller (“Zoolander”), Woody Allen (“Midnight in Paris”) and a whole heap of classics with his Texas buddy Wes Anderson, from “Bottle Rocket” on, will see “Rolling Loud: The Movie” as a wake-up call to give scripts a second read before signing on.
Giving this film a rating is a futile gesture. A quote from Dante’s “Divine Comedy” serves better. It’s from Canto 3, where the Italian reads “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate,” and is commonly translated as “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”