★★ (2 out of 4)
Bitching that “Mortal Kombat II” isn’t the stuff of high cinematic art is like saying you don’t spell combat with a “K.” You’re right, but who gives a damn? This sequel will be the only new movie for Mother’s Day weekend to kick box-office ass.
What more could the woman who birthed you want for her special day than a blood-gushing R-rated bruiser with aliens, zombies, and a guy with robot arms? Like the videogame that spawned it, the action is a nonstop parade of testicle punching, skull shattering, severed limbs, and characters impaled and sliced in half. Though I wouldn’t put it past Miranda Priestley, you won’t find that in “Devil Wears Prada II.” MK moms will love it.
Critics? Not so much. I will allow that Part II is better than the most recent “Mortal Kombat” reboot in Covid-era 2021. Anything would be. Some reviewers have detected evidence of a plot. I didn’t see any, but it’s good to have the great Karl with a “K” Urban joining in as Johnny Cage.
Gamers can get over the sequel’s low rent fx and greenscreen acting. All it takes is blind devotion.
You remember Johnnyboy, a washed-up Hollywood action star from the ‘90s. The film opens with a clip from one of his lousy old movies. Cage laments that John Wick has replaced him with fickle fans. The truth hurts, but this egocentric airhead still earns his keep as comic relief. There’s an aww moment when Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) says the team needs him to help save Earthrealm. Watching him trade quips with Josh Lawson as Aussie mercenary Kano is primo junk nostalgia, which this franchise is really all about.
For screenwriter Jeremy Slater, the main job seems to be scrawling: “Insert fight scene here.” Returning director Simon McQuoid doesn’t waste valuable time on character arcs when everyone needs saving from the dark rule of Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) that threatens the very existence of the Earthrealm. This dude wants to be immortal like yesterday and his minions, like the ice-generating Sub-Zero (Joe Taslim), jump when he beckons.
Unlike last time, MKII remembers to feature a kombat tournament for the gamers. Things get going right away with new fighter Kitana, Shao Kahn’s adopted daughter, played with daddy-hating bravura by Adeline Rudolph. Her staunchest ally is Jade (a terrific Tati Gabrielle), who proves handy with a lightsaber. The combatants all get a glow on as soon as they’re chosen and teleported to an endless series of new battlegrounds. Simple as that, as long as the actors are comfy with green screen emoting.
Look, it’s hard to make a case for “Mortal Kombat II” as anything but fan service. The fx is strictly low rent, the acting is nonexistent and John Wick really does the mayhem so much better. But if you still get misty over games past and present, if the catchphrases, “Get over here!” and “Finish him!” get your mojo going, this cut-rate bone cruncher is for you. All it needs is blind devotion.