★★ (2 out of 4)
Back by whatever the opposite is of popular demand, “Masters of the Universe” is a better than it should be reboot of a 1980s relic that still falls far short of deserving a hero’s welcome. Derived from an old cartoon based on a toy line from Mattel and an animated TV series, the franchise spewed out a 1987 film of staggering ineptitude starring Dolph Lundgren as He-Man, a prince out of water determined to wrest the Sword of Power (every home needs one) from the evil Skeletor (Frank Langella, oddly having a blast. At least someone did.).
The newly refurbished “Masters of the Universe” has one thing going for it that its predecessor did not; it seems to know how godawful it is and smartly revels in the campy excess. That starts right from the cheeky casting of a jacked and proud of it Nicholas Galitzine as He-Man, known to his intimates as Prince Adam of Eternia, aka the Champion of Greyskull, who now finds himself away from his home planet working HR in Oklahoma City (as one does, when one is a master in hiding who’s learned to empathize with weak employees and hide his bulging biceps under a pink shirt).
An extended childhood prologue shows Prince Adam’s dad, King Randor (James Purefoy), extolling the virtues of not-too-toxic masculinity, with the help of his chief Man-At-Arms Duncan (Idris Elba slumming), a local Sorceress (slinky Morena Baccarin), and kid crush Teela (Camila Mendes). Teela can’t compete with the action figures (yay, Fisto) that Adam can’t stop blathering about even when he escapes to Earth. “Want to see my sword?” asks Adam, now a winking master at double entendre.
Galitzine, a self-described “hetero” who won raves for playing a gay prince in “Red, White & Royal Blue” and a queer Duke in “Mary & George” with Julianne Moore, plays it straight here as hapless Adam, a clueless charm boy with an office nameplate that lists his preference for he/him pronouns. That one quickly went viral and not in a good way.
Clever director Travis Knight (“ParaNorman,” “The Box Trolls,” “Bumblebee”) can’t do much with the jumbled script by Chris Butler, Aaron Nee, Adam Nee, David Callaham and presumably anyone who passed by with a decent laugh line. The plot basically comes down to Adam returning to Eternia like Superman to Krypton, to take on the uber-evil Skeletor, played by Jared Leto. The “Dallas Buyers Club” Oscar winner tends to divide critics who think he’s either too much or not enough. Here he’s way too much, delightfully so.
Of course, you can’t recognize Leto as the cartoony Skeletor, with hollowed out eyes to make room for flashing red bulbs or something like that. Skeletor is hard on his second-in-command, the sorceress Evil-lyn. Love the moniker and blonde ambition Alison Brie brings to the character. This mock epic is always best when it’s mocking.
Skeletor saves his nastiest fun digs for He Man, especially for his thunder thighs and giant phallic sword. When He-Man demands to fight his enemy face to face, Skeletor is ready with le mot juste: “Number one, I don’t have a face. And number 2, I just don’t want to.”
A better than it should be reboot of a 1980s relic that still falls far short of deserving a hero’s welcome.
If only “Masters of the Universe” had just focused on these two doing their hilarious take on “Les Miserables,” we might have had a movie to celebrate. But “Masters of the Universe,” punishingly overlong at two hours and 12 minutes, descends into an incoherent mess as undifferentiated battles pile up in a digital stew that is the essence of tacky, no matter how hard Daniel Pemberton’s propulsive score tries to convince us otherwise.
Distractions include a giant, green-striped tiger and cameos from some dude named Dolph and Kristin Wigg as a mouthy robot. But only Galitzine and Leto catch the spoofy spirit of the thing as a treat for the toy-crazy 13-year-old in all of us. The rest is digital noise until the blessed ending, a consummation devoutly to be wished.