★ (1 out of 4)
What stinks in here? It’s not the barnyard in “Animal Farm,” now squawking in theaters; it’s the movie itself. Maybe on paper it looked like a good idea to make a computer-animated kiddie movie out of George Orwell’s bitter 1945 political allegory against the Marxist-Leninist ideology of Joseph Stalin in the form of rebellious farm animals. The execution, however, leaves something to be desired. Somehow director Andy Serkis—a mocap genius as Gollum in “Lord of the Rings” and as Caesar in “Planet of the Apes”—and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” screenwriter Nicholas Stoller, good men and true, have turned a classic satire of totalitarianism into a Seth Rogen farce with fart jokes and a happy ending.
There have been worse ideas, like the movie version of “Cats,” but this “Animal Farm” is an endurance test for audiences of all ages. There was actually an unwieldy animated “Animal Farm” in 1954, funded by the CIA as part of their anti-Communist propaganda campaign. I know, right? But this 21st century take doesn’t have an undiluted idea in its empty head.
An endurance test for audiences of all ages
Rogen voices Napoleon, the big boar we’re meant to hiss because he wants to control the farm owned by Mr. Jones (Serkis himself). His platform can be summed up by the fact that when Napoleon passes gas he announces, “This is the sound of freedom!” I will say that Rogen’s trademarked “heh-heh-heh” has rarely sounded this sinister. There was a moment when I thought his piggish behavior was meant to show support for the Trump-era “No Kings” protest movement. Don’t get your hopes up.
Speaking of humans, the great Glenn Close turns up as Freida Pilkington, the billionaire scheming to take over Animal Farm. And Steve Buscemi smarms his way in as Mr. Whymper, Pilkington's right hand suck up.
But Napoleon’s true antagonist is Snowball, a sow voiced with intelligence and humor by Laverne Cox. Snowball is committed to the welfare of the animals, as opposed to Napoleon, whose aide Squealer (Kieran Culkin) bloats up his ego. Team Napoleon fears its losing support from piglet Lucky (“Stranger Things” breakout Gaten Matarazzo). And with Lucky goes his horse bestie Boxer (Woody Harrelson).
I bring up all these names because the voice actors are so good you hope against hope that they might save “Animal Farm” from its flat, fatuous, family-pandering desperation. If you’re going to go juvie with your audience, why draw these characters so thinly and so lacking in originality, spirit and wit? Even the CGI feels second-hand.
George Orwell died in 1950 so there’s nothing he can do now but turn somersaults in his grave. As parents, you can save your kids from the brain rot that comes with buying a ticket to “Animal Farm.” You do not want to encourage a sequel.